listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
