so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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