I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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