I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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