I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
