Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
