Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
