apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
