Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
