Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
