Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
