Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
