May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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