Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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