I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
