I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
