quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
