i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
