I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
