I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We are two peas in an std pod
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
