i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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