dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
