I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
