I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
