oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
