she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
