I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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