it glows. i had to have it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
