so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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