I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
