i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
