so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
