ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
