Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
