I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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