He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
