Your face is a jimmy john
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
