p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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