After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
