When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
