No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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