my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
