last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
