Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
