And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
