She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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