I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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