grandma shit on top of the toilet
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
