Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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