I heard we made out
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
