Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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