You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
