i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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