i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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