How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
