i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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