final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
