So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
